Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

Hi,
Gradually I am finding out more. This path to healing from Childhood Sexual abuse(CSA) is not easy as any of you going through it would know.
Mostly through my life I have been labelled with Depression due to CSA but it didn't always fit.  The depression is due to keeping it all inside and not telling my story. A survivor is silenced when it happens and society continues to silence the survivor, especially the Christian church as I have explained in my last blog update.

What I have discovered in the last couple of months is that Post Traumatic Stress Disorder fits more with a survivor of CSA.  I have had some terrible experiences lately of absolute terror and feeling powerless and then in turn feeling suicidal as it all feels totally hopeless.  Then I get through the episode which is always triggered by something, a noise, a smell, something somebody says or writes to me or it can be an anniversary one I am aware of or one I am not aware of and so the list goes on.  It is utter hell going through it!  I feel for war vets! 

There are layers that you have to work through. That is why I am going through a rough patch again. It takes time to heal. Your body and mind knows when you are in a safe enough place to work through the next level. For me I have a very supportive husband who "Gets it" and has been amazingly supportive.  If you can, make sure you have support for your supporter too as they need it. It is a hard struggle as most people don't "Get it" but it is important for ourselves and our loved ones that we continue to fight this battle as healing is possible.

Unfortunately where I live there is no support so it looks like I will be having to travel a distance to find the help I need, this coupled with ill health is a major problem as it interferes with daily living. I just want to point out that statistically survivors suffer much more ill health that non survivors. This is due to the fact that they have had adrenaline running through their body in much larger doses than is safe because they are in "Flight/Fight" mode most of the time. I am a strong person and I know I will get through this and I want to encourage all survivors of CSA to keep looking for the help you need, please don't give up even if  3 therapists are useless it is not your fault. It is worth the fight because you are innocent it is ALL the perpetrators fault.  It is just sad that as survivors we have to do all the hard work to heal even though we went through the horror of the abuse and it wasn't our fault.

Here are a few links I found useful:

This one from the USA on Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and CSA
http://www.ptsd.va.gov/public/pages/child-sexual-abuse.asp

This one is an Australian organisation that has some interesting fact sheets 
http://www.asca.org.au/displaycommon.cfm?an=4

Wishing you all the best on your journey
Margie