Dear Adult Survivor of childhood sexual abuse,
I don’t know what part of your healing journey you are on
but I hope you are at least starting to realise that the abuse is not your
fault. The perpetrator is 100% at fault.
There are so many towns to visit on this journey,
Denial, (Shitty place but you think it looks just fine until
you get out of there!)
Shock, Grief, Anger (sometimes called Outrage!), Self-Blame,
Shame, Depressed (not a pretty shade of blue either) and sometimes Suicidal,
hopefully that’s not your last stop. (I don’t recommend it.)
There are also lovely towns of Relief, Breaking free,
Self-Empowerment, New life, Self-discovery (The tours are really interesting!).
Unfortunately the schedule is a little erratic; it’s not a
straight forward trip from Denial to New Life, it kind of goes back and forth
between the towns, especially with too many people trying to drive your car.
It takes a while to get control back of the steering wheel
and put people in their places, after all this is YOUR journey not theirs!
Sometimes you get lucky and get a great navigator who
respects your decisions and just assists you with the tricky bits. If you find
one of those keep them. You may need a few backups too as it is a tiring job.
The people who are not so helpful are the ones who tell you
what you should do, as if they know your journey.
Here are some warning signs that they are not going to be
very helpful:
“Just forgive the perpetrator and move on!”
“Get over it!”
“Are you still talking about that?”
“Was it really that bad?”
I recommend that you drop them off at the next town and
leave them there
Some people choose to stay away from your journey because
they don’t like to think about it or think about going on it with you. You may
be disappointed because you really wanted them to come for the drive but
believe me if they don’t want to come they won’t be much fun on the drive. It’s
a hard thing to let them go, remember to have a good cry about it and do a lot
of self-care to protect yourself.
Which reminds me; you should really take a First Aid kit
with you.
A Self-care package with things of your choice that may
include:
- Naps when you are tired.
- Favourite foods, healthy and some treats too of course!
- Drink plenty of water.
- Time in nature, in a forest or by the beach.
- Favourite safe people to chat to.
- Favourite teddy or pet to cuddle when needed
- Inspiring books and music.
- Read about other people who have made it through the journey, it will be different for them but they may have some good advice.
- Tell those negative voices to “F” off! And go and do something nice for yourself.
- Love, LOVE yourself you deserve it!
- Oh and remember to have some fun along the way!
The car you drive is not in perfect condition as it has
Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. The perpetrator did some nasty work on
it. So sometimes it plays up. The
nightmares and flashbacks of the abuse are horrible! It seems to make you time
travel right back to when it happened. The problem is very clever and manipulative. You
may end up with a lot of ill health mentally and physically. Unfortunately you
never really get rid of it completely but with regular services (counselling,
writing and practicing self-care and anything else positive that helps) you
will get a lot less trouble along the way.
Remember to stop driving and rest regularly, it’s too much
to try and do the journey quickly in one hit. Take as long as YOU need. Ask for
help and directions along the way. You will soon learn who you can trust and
who you cannot. Your inside “Warning
Bell” will go off time to time, LISTEN to it, you do actually know what’s right
for you. You just have to learn to trust yourself after everyone telling you
that you have no clue. They are wrong! And when your inside voice tells you
that it’s all going to work out fine, believe it, it will eventually and let’s
face it most of the fun of a journey is the travelling itself.
I know it’s not going to be easy but it will be worth it
because you are worth healing!
You are the injured party not the injurer.
Speak out and tell your story because you own it and it may
help others on their journey too.
Much love a fellow survivor who has visited most of those
towns and I promise it does get better! I also promise Denial is not all it’s
cut out to be.
Enjoy YOUR journey of self-discovery and healing.
Willow Thomas March 2016
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