Silent Too Long

Chapter 7

Silent too long.

My journey of healing has bought me to some interesting places in the last few years. Firstly I will give you some background. I had a good friend who I had also met through our children. She discovered a course at the local community health center about child sexual abuse. It was a kind of therapeutic group. She was also a survivor. Anyway I went along with her one day and met women of all ages and backgrounds. I continued to go as I learnt so much and it was just wonderful knowing I was not alone. (It was also very sad)

We did some interesting courses that the Social workers set up for us. I found that I started feeling much better about life. I spent some time one on one with one of the social workers and found the sessions took me forward in leaps and bounds!

As the years went on, we ended up becoming an action-based group with the sideline of an open group for survivors to come to that was more therapeutic. We worked in conjunction with the workers from the health center. Some of the members helped run the open group and some of the member went on to help run the therapeutic courses that started us off.

This started at the end of 1995 and the group was eventually named “Silent Too Long”. I spent time in and out of the group, for example when I have had bad depression episode and I have had to drop back or when I was pregnant with my last child I was too sick to go. Basically I had been in it from the beginning. We had people come and go which is pretty normal for any group.

In December 2001 we became incorporated and with the help of a very generous donor got our own office. We were all volunteers and survivors who were very passionate about standing against child sexual abuse, encouraging healing, increasing public awareness and doing it all with a positive attitude.

One of our main philosophies was Narrative therapy. (I hear you say “Nara what therapy?”) It is a big name for saying a way of listening and working with peoples stories. I must say that I am in NO WAY an expert on the subject as I am a learner. I encourage you to check it out. There are books you can get on the subject through the Dulwich Centre in Adelaide. Anyway the basics I have learnt are:

· The problem is the problem not the person; basically separate the person from the problem. (I am not my depressive illness, I have one)

· Alternative stories. Acknowledging a person’s life story and then looking at another way of viewing it. For example I am a survivor and I had terrible things happen to me: ~ alternate view: I must have amazing courage and strength to get through it all and still be ok.

· Breaking down the power differentials; Being aware that there are many situations in life where people seem to have more power than you for example when you go to a professional’s office they often sit in a big chair behind a desk and you feel like a very small person coming into their important space. To break down that power difference the professional could sit across from you with no table in between and if he/she would listen instead of just talking at you, you would feel much more comfortable.

· You are an expert on your own life. No one else has lived your life and had all of your life experiences. If you are having sessions with a professional who is narrative based then they would listen to you and encourage you to see your own strengths and skills because you are the one who has lived it not them.

Anyway it may not be the best way to describe it all but I have found it to be a wonderful way of thinking and I look forward to learning more.

Back to Silent Too long now, as an action group we put out a regular magazine, flyers and publications. We wrote letters, presented at conferences and professionals consulted with us for better ways of working with survivors.

It was hard work but we were all passionate about it and guess what I got to do? Be as creative as I wanted!

Eventually Silent Too Long went into remission with too much work and not enough workers. It is such a shame but I really hope and pray that there will be others to take up where we left off.