Well it's nearly that time of year again!
On my journey over the years Christmas has been a painful time for me as I am sure it is for a lot of survivors of abuse particularly when it was a family member.
Year after year I used to sit with my perpetrator and the rest of the family making sure I bought them all presents and tried to make them love me. It was quite painful even if I had pushed it down with a dose of denial.
After my last breakdown and the cutting off of my family it has been a steep learning curve. There are feelings of grief every special holiday, birthday and anniversary. I think this is my 3rd Christmas without the perpetrator and even though it is hard having such a quiet Christmas now I still prefer to be true to myself and not live a lie. Oh God it's been a hard few years that I never thought I would get through but I have. I am not "over it" and never will be but I am much stronger and have learned so much along the way.
I have learned that it is really important to take care of myself. I have spent so much of my life taking care of everybody else and ignoring my own needs. So I can happily say that I am slowly getting better at that!
Yes it's OK to sit down quietly and have that cup of tea in the sunshine.
Yes it's OK to do some meditations.
Yes it's OK to say no when you need to.
Yes it's OK to go and have some fun!
Yes it's important to listen to what your body needs and do something about it.
These are some of the things I have learned this year.
I am sure there will be plenty more lessons in the years to come.
I wish you all the strength to do what you NEED/WANT to do this Christmas not what you think you must do. Please take care of yourself, grieve if you need to that is just fine but be nice to your inner child it was not their fault. If you need permission, I give you permission to be nice to yourself!
Wishing you all the strength and courage to get through this Christmas time.
Love and light,
Margie Thomas
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