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Monday, January 25, 2016

That dirty word "Forgiveness".

Hi all,

It has been a while since I have posted.

As you know I have written before about how a survivor of Childhood sexual abuse (or any other abuse), should not be forced into forgiving their perpetrator.

I know that it has been a huge thing in our society that we must forgive to move on.
The problem with this is that there is so much focus on that and very little on supporting the survivor and trying to get justice for them.

Hence when a survivor who has held in so much pain for all those years at last gets to release it, let them!
They probably got no support, no justice and no validation  as a child. Just because they are now an adult doesn't mean that all those needs suddenly disappear. On the contrary they still need to be dealt with, which includes support, acknowledgment, validation and a chance for some kind of justice.

I am not alone in this thinking. Forgiveness can be wonderful but healing is much more important. Forgiveness, if there is any, is at the end of the healing process not at the beginning or middle but at the end. You cannot tell someone when their healing journey has ended, only they will know that and unfortunately it can take many years and there will always be scars.

So stand by a survivor, imagine what you would do if the atrocity had just happened , what would you do then?

I would like to share an article that I found that also reinforces what I have been saying for years now.  This is by Anastasia Pollock, LCMHC for Goodtherapy.org

http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/why-i-dont-use-the-word-forgiveness-in-trauma-therapy-0120164

While I am at it, as a survivor 'Grief' is a huge thing, which most people don't seem to realise. I have found Tim Lawrence has a great handle on it and would recommend his site for some great advice and encouragement.
The Adversity Within:

http://www.timjlawrence.com/blog/

So hoping you got through the Holiday season OK, as I know it can bring a lot of pain with it. I say well done for still putting one step forward, you are courageous and wonderful!
Love and light,
Margie Thomas





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