Booklets for sale.

Hi all just to let you know that I am selling the rest of the booklets on E bay for $5 including postage within Australia.

Just click the link below.


https://www.ebay.com.au/itm/Falling-or-Flying-Breaking-free-after-childhood-sexual-abuse/162967052489?epid=5017219914&hash=item25f197e0c9:g:jPgAAOSwNaRaud9j

Wishing you all ,
Love and light,
Willow

Coral Anika Theill needs our support!

Coral needs our support! 

(Trigger warning)

I am writing this to bring to your attention the horrible injustice that Coral Anika Theill is suffering and has suffered for most of her life.  Her story would make a movie it is so crazy and in this time of history you would think impossible to still be happening to women.

I have found her to be an inspirational and courageous woman, whom I am so grateful to have made contact with. She is an incredible woman who is a warrior for other survivors of abuse and other mothers who have had their children taken from them for no good reason.

This is her story in brief….

Raped as a child, married a fundamentalist Christian only to be locked in a Domestic violence situation with added Spiritual abuse.  Tortured and after fleeing the situation had her children removed from her, one was still being breastfed! 

She has had all rights removed to see any of her 8 children!

Coral’s ex-husband Mr Marty Warner who is a very wealthy man has used his wealth and situation of power to make life hell for Coral Anika Theill! He has been able to use the court system which seems to be inherently Patriarchal to take the children away and then claim child support from her whilst she was disabled and poor. She has no money for an attorney so he has been able to just do what he likes to her.

She still lives in poor health and in poverty. She wrote a book about her story which includes lots of supporting legal documents.  It is called “BONSHEÁ Making Light of the Dark”

She has now had her passport revoked, her only connection to her family in Denmark.  The system has been used and abused against her:

Quote from Coral:

"Since 1999 I have lived under a state address protection program from my ex-husband.

This past month I learned that my passport was revoked due to my wealthy ex-husband and his attorney suing me in 1999 for twice of what I earn as a disabled woman for child support of my eight children. I was not informed of this hearing.

In 2003 Judge Paula Brownhill added $2,000 more to this judgment even though I had already paid the child support. She would not listen to me in court.   In 2006 I was sued for interest on this judgment at a hearing I could not attend due to poverty. Ten years later, the State of Oregon removed the $2,000 from my child support judgment.  To date, I owe $3,815.74, due to interest being added to this fraudulent child support judgment.”  

To top it off she has just found out the state is about to start garnishing the amount slowly from her poverty income.  The amount taken will mean she has no food money!

To read more here is the link:

https://www.coralanikatheill.com/single-post/2017/07/06/Support-Coral-Anika-Theills-Emancipation-Escaped-Hunted

I realise she lives in the USA but where ever someone lives they do not deserve this kind of treatment. It is draconian!!!

You can help by writing to ask that Mr Marty Warner to sign “The Satisfaction of support” form to free her from this ridiculous debt!

Mr Marty Warner

8700 Fruit Farm Road, Independence, Oregon 97351

Phone (503) 838-1662

Here is an affidavit from someone else that describes what her ex husband is like:

http://coralanikatheill.blogspot.com.au/2011/10/coral-anika-theill.html

Here is a link to more information and people you can contact for her.

https://www.coralanikatheill.com/single-post/2017/07/06/Support-Coral-Anika-Theills-Emancipation-Escaped-Hunted

Here is a link to her website which also has a Complimentary copy of her book.

https://www.coralanikatheill.com/

If you can do nothing more, please share this around to as many people as you can.

If you can do more such as take it to the media or help in any other way please contact me by sending a message and I will pass it on to Coral.

Love and Light,

Willow Thomas

Willow's Forest of Thoughts. Being a survivor of family abuse.

Willow's Forest of Thoughts. Self love for healing.

Grab a cup of tea and join me as I talk about what has helped me focus in on self love.
Curiosity and Play!

Love and light ,
Willow

Willow's Forest of Thoughts. Re-victimization . Don't give up!

My thoughts on being re-victimized.
Just remember the perpetrator is 100% to blame!
Love and light
Willow

Willow's Forest of Thoughts. "We have been silent too long."

Willow's Forest of Thoughts. My first Vlog on my Youtube channel.

Self Love #SelfLoveStories

Hi all,
It has been a while since I have blogged.

I am a little excited at the moment because a person I subscribe to on You Tube is doing her 3rd Self Love September!

Her name is Kelly-Ann Maddox, she is a spiritual counselor with a twist.  I love her work as it has inspired me so much.

As a survivor of Childhood sexual abuse, self love is very hard. Self loathing is instilled at a young age. It is a big battle to change.

When I reached my late 40's I got to a point where I really challenged my parents on what had happened. It was also the first time I really wrote everything down.
Well it was a huge turning point in my healing journey. I had a break down or as I now like to call it a Break through!
I made some major changes in my life for ME!

I broke up with my family as their toxicity and denial of the repercussions were not a very safe place for healing.

I was raised a Christian and became an atheist. I didn't stop there though, I went on an exciting spiritual journey looking at every thing I had been  told to be afraid of. I faced the demons and found they were lies, there was beauty , freedom, self empowerment and self love.

Through this hard journey I have learned that I am worth listening to and that it is important for me to listen to my internal voice. The true beautiful quiet one that speaks when I sit in stillness not the echoes of negative talk that run rampant in my mind.

I got the courage to legally change my birth name and it was so freeing!

I am not saying it is easy and I am by no means finished but what I am saying is that Self Love is a very important part of healing. Learning to love ourselves is the first step!

I went from a person who couldn't stand being alone to someone who loves to spend time with myself.

We need to encourage each other regularly to take this journey, challenge those self loathing thoughts as they are lies!  When they start to get you down, don't tell yourself off but be kind to yourself. Treat yourself as  you would treat a good friend because you are your best friend for life.

Every single person on the planet is here for a reason, we all have a part to play, we all need to love ourselves so that we can in turn love others. It will be a much better place.

If you want to check out Kelly-Ann Maddox click on the link below.

Kelly-Ann Maddox Self Love September

Much Self Love and Light on your journey,
Willow Thomas

Justice for women and Children: Our terrorist problem has nothing to do with Muslims.

With an average of ONE ( closer to 2) women a WEEK being murdered by a partner or ex partner here in Australia you would think there would be some great support systems in place. You would think that the Family Court system would be a place of Justice for women and children who have been living in a Domestic Violent situation.

Unfortunately this is not what I have seen over the past few months but instead some terrible treatment of mothers.

Rosie Batty here in Australia spoke at the National Press Club earlier this year about the plight of women in domestic violence.
She has a Website  called "Never Alone" Luke Batty Foundation. Calling on reform in the family courts.
Please check out her website.
http://www.neveralone.com.au/


What has been happening is if they have split with their partners and go to court for custody etc they end up being re-victimised again. A lot of women in domestic violent relationships who report that their partners have sexually abused the children, hoping to keep them safe, are made to give the custody of the children to their abusers.  It's a complicated mess but it is suggested to these women not to bring these sorts of things up in court because it will make their case harder.

Here is a link to her speech at the National Press club:
http://www.neveralone.com.au/rosie-press-club
Here is an excerpt from her speech.

"The problem is not in the Family Law Act – it is in the very culture of the family law system that has the responsibility to apply it.

To prioritise the safety of children, the family law system needs to believe that family violence has occurred. All too often, survivors even with proof have their fears written off as anxiety or obsession. Minimised or dismissed.  Accused of exaggerating or manipulating the system.

Children who say they are afraid, or bravely disclose their own abuse, are routinely seen as having had their minds influenced and poisoned by their mother’s animosity towards the father and are not believed.

The court can then order these very same children to continue to spend time with, or even live with, the alleged abuser – a truly diabolical and unacceptable situation. "

In America this is also a problem. Coral Anika Theill has had a horrific life filled with abuse by family, church and the Justice system. Please read her "Wall of Shame" article.

Here is an excerpt:

"Domestic violence is a complex problem with roots in an oppressively hierarchical, patriarchal violence-accepting society.

For nearly twenty years, I was married to a man who ruled his household with absolute authority. His personal justification for his behavior came from Biblical scripture. During the course of our marriage, I bore him eight children. My firstborn children were identical twin girls. I also suffered three miscarriages. I home schooled the oldest children for several years, renovated three houses, baked, canned, gardened, etc. I was treated as a possession (slave). In the course of my marriage I was drawn, against my will, into numerous extreme fundamental churches and cults which emphasized patriarchal authority and the obedience of women."

The system let her down, she lost custody of all her 8 Children! Something a mother will never get over! She had so much proof and witnesses but the system still did not protect her.
Here is the link:
http://www.coralanikatheill.com/#!WALL-OF-SHAME-Marty-Warner-the-Pastors-Christians-Ministries-Who-Support-Him/c1q8z/573e48b50cf2f90ca6f79698

You can see Coral Anika Theill interviewed about her life by Geerte Frenken on the link below. It does go for over an hour but if you have the time it is worth watching!

https://consciousconsumernetwork.tv/geerte-frenken-talks-coral-anika-theill/


Here we are all worried about terrorism from Muslims who have been tainted by the extremists that call themselves Muslims. With 99% of Muslims wanting to live peacefully and safely here in Australia.
  I think the more important problem in our society is the mistreatment of women and children, and the lack of Justice! That is Terrorism at home!

Let's stand with these women and children and ask for Justice and safety, which are basic human rights.

You can join Rosie Batty's campaign on her website "Never Alone"

Sending out love and light,
Willow Thomas

Your road trip to healing.....A letter to Adult survivors of Childhood sexual abuse.

Dear Adult Survivor of childhood sexual abuse,

I don’t know what part of your healing journey you are on but I hope you are at least starting to realise that the abuse is not your fault. The perpetrator is 100% at fault.

There are so many towns to visit on this journey,

Denial, (Shitty place but you think it looks just fine until you get out of there!)

Shock, Grief, Anger (sometimes called Outrage!), Self-Blame, Shame, Depressed (not a pretty shade of blue either) and sometimes Suicidal, hopefully that’s not your last stop. (I don’t recommend it.)

There are also lovely towns of Relief, Breaking free, Self-Empowerment, New life, Self-discovery (The tours are really interesting!).

Unfortunately the schedule is a little erratic; it’s not a straight forward trip from Denial to New Life, it kind of goes back and forth between the towns, especially with too many people trying to drive your car. 

It takes a while to get control back of the steering wheel and put people in their places, after all this is YOUR journey not theirs!

Sometimes you get lucky and get a great navigator who respects your decisions and just assists you with the tricky bits. If you find one of those keep them. You may need a few backups too as it is a tiring job.

The people who are not so helpful are the ones who tell you what you should do, as if they know your journey.

Here are some warning signs that they are not going to be very helpful:

“Just forgive the perpetrator and move on!”

“Get over it!”

“Are you still talking about that?”

“Was it really that bad?”

I recommend that you drop them off at the next town and leave them there

Some people choose to stay away from your journey because they don’t like to think about it or think about going on it with you. You may be disappointed because you really wanted them to come for the drive but believe me if they don’t want to come they won’t be much fun on the drive. It’s a hard thing to let them go, remember to have a good cry about it and do a lot of self-care to protect yourself.

Which reminds me; you should really take a First Aid kit with you.

A Self-care package with things of your choice that may include:

• Naps when you are tired.
• Favourite foods, healthy and some treats too of course!
• Drink plenty of water.
• Time in nature, in a forest or by the beach.
• Favourite safe people to chat to.
• Favourite teddy or pet to cuddle when needed
• Inspiring books and music.
• Read about other people who have made it through the journey, it will be different for them but they may have some good advice.
• Tell those negative voices to “F” off! And go and do something nice for yourself.
• Love, LOVE yourself you deserve it!
• Oh and remember to have some fun along the way!

The car you drive is not in perfect condition as it has Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. The perpetrator did some nasty work on it. So sometimes it plays up.  The nightmares and flashbacks of the abuse are horrible! It seems to make you time travel right back to when it happened. The problem is very clever and manipulative. You may end up with a lot of ill health mentally and physically. Unfortunately you never really get rid of it completely but with regular services (counselling, writing and practicing self-care and anything else positive that helps) you will get a lot less trouble along the way.

Remember to stop driving and rest regularly, it’s too much to try and do the journey quickly in one hit. Take as long as YOU need. Ask for help and directions along the way. You will soon learn who you can trust and who you cannot.  Your inside “Warning Bell” will go off time to time, LISTEN to it, you do actually know what’s right for you. You just have to learn to trust yourself after everyone telling you that you have no clue. They are wrong! And when your inside voice tells you that it’s all going to work out fine, believe it, it will eventually and let’s face it most of the fun of a journey is the travelling itself.

I know it’s not going to be easy but it will be worth it because you are worth healing!

You are the injured party not the injurer.

Speak out and tell your story because you own it and it may help others on their journey too.

Much love a fellow survivor who has visited most of those towns and I promise it does get better! I also promise Denial is not all it’s cut out to be.

Enjoy YOUR journey of self-discovery and healing.

Willow Thomas March 2016

Don't be ashamed of being a victim.

Hi all,
An interesting topic, why be ashamed of being a victim of abuse?
For one reason, it wasn't your fault!
I know when I started to share publicly what happened to me as a child , my family told me to move on, plenty of other people said the same or just pretended it didn't happen.
When I felt the best was when people validated me very rare though it was. I think this is particularly because I never had been before. The abuse happened as a child and I was not validated, that child still lives in me now waiting for some kind of validation and justice. Yes I have to do the work now but if you want to help a survivor , validate them don't tell them to move on.
Validation will help with healing, telling them to move on will slow it down.

Please read the article in the link below, it was shared with me and I want to share it with you as it really resonated!

"Sanctuary for the abused"
Reality and re victimization

http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com.au/2005/09/reality-and-revictimization.html

Let us be gentle with each other and validate each other's pain , this will make such a loving and healing place to be.

Love and light,
Margie Thomas xxx

Place a ribbon in your front yard to honour survivors.

 As I said in my last post, in Australia we are currently having a Royal Commission into Childhood sexual abuse in Institutions which include churches.  At the moment they are interviewing Cardinal Pell an Australian who is now at the Vatican.


A friend of mine suggested we all put up ribbons in our front yards or on our local Catholic Church fences to support the survivors of Childhood sexual abuse by the Catholic Church.

I have done so and encourage others to do the same.

I also honour all those survivors who will probably never get justice or a royal commission!

Love and light, 

Margie Thomas xxx

Come Home (Cardinal Pell) - Tim Minchin

In Australia we are currently having a Royal Commission into Childhood sexual abuse in Institutions which include churches.  At the moment they are interviewing Cardinal Pell an Australian who is now at the Vatican.

It has triggered and saddened so many survivors to see people like him hide the truth. He was meant to come to Australia for the interviews but he said he was too sick. There were doctors who offered to fly with him and take many small trips so it would not wear him out but he refused.  I think his nickname will be "NO TELL PELL".

Tim Minchin even wrote a song asking Pell to come home. All the profits paid for the survivors to fly to Rome to watch him being interviewed. . Here is a link to the song. You can purchase it on I Tunes. I bought it as soon as I heard it.
 Love and light, Margie Thomas

PS Thank you Tim Minchin on behalf of all survivors of Childhood sexual abuse! You ROCK!

Sharing an article by Coral Anika Theill.... the history of patriarchy... fascinating!

Hi All!

Author Coral Anika Theill, has written a very interesting article about the history of patriarchy from church and government up till today.
It seems history keeps repeating.
This woman has been through so much and I find her a wonderful inspiration as a survivor of Childhood sexual abuse.
Please read...


http://www.coralanikatheill.com/#!Horror-of-Family-Court-Religion-Burning-Witches/c1q8z/56c89e610cf2de8a479220e0

She also suggest a lot of wonderful links and authors to check out.

Please enjoy.

Love and Light ,
Margie Thomas

That dirty word "Forgiveness".

Hi all,

It has been a while since I have posted.

As you know I have written before about how a survivor of Childhood sexual abuse (or any other abuse), should not be forced into forgiving their perpetrator.

I know that it has been a huge thing in our society that we must forgive to move on.
The problem with this is that there is so much focus on that and very little on supporting the survivor and trying to get justice for them.

Hence when a survivor who has held in so much pain for all those years at last gets to release it, let them!
They probably got no support, no justice and no validation  as a child. Just because they are now an adult doesn't mean that all those needs suddenly disappear. On the contrary they still need to be dealt with, which includes support, acknowledgment, validation and a chance for some kind of justice.

I am not alone in this thinking. Forgiveness can be wonderful but healing is much more important. Forgiveness, if there is any, is at the end of the healing process not at the beginning or middle but at the end. You cannot tell someone when their healing journey has ended, only they will know that and unfortunately it can take many years and there will always be scars.

So stand by a survivor, imagine what you would do if the atrocity had just happened , what would you do then?

I would like to share an article that I found that also reinforces what I have been saying for years now.  This is by Anastasia Pollock, LCMHC for Goodtherapy.org

http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/why-i-dont-use-the-word-forgiveness-in-trauma-therapy-0120164

While I am at it, as a survivor 'Grief' is a huge thing, which most people don't seem to realise. I have found Tim Lawrence has a great handle on it and would recommend his site for some great advice and encouragement.
The Adversity Within:

http://www.timjlawrence.com/blog/

So hoping you got through the Holiday season OK, as I know it can bring a lot of pain with it. I say well done for still putting one step forward, you are courageous and wonderful!
Love and light,
Margie Thomas

An article about grief and how important it is!

Hi all,
It has been a long time since I have written.

Life can get busy some times with things other than dealing with healing. Good things and not so good things pop up in life.

In general it has been good except for the loss of  a long time friend of my sons who was murdered. My heart goes out to his family and friends.

This article I am showing a link to, is brilliant when it comes to grief. As a survivor of Child sexual abuse I thought it was wonderful as I have had all the crap thrown at me too like "It all happens for a reason"..... I always thought BULLSHIT when I heard that!

This article resonates with my beliefs beautifully, please check it out!

http://www.timjlawrence.com/blog/2015/10/19/everything-doesnt-happen-for-a-reason

If you are going through grief or loss at the moment, I send you hugs and may you have friends who can "sit" with you.

Love and light,
Margie Thomas

To forgive or not to forgive that is the question...

Hi all,
I haven't been on for awhile. I have had a bit of illness but also some good healing time.

I was on Facebook again the other day and saw this wonderful article on Psychology Today .com.

As you know I have spoken about forgiveness before and how many survivors are often expected to forgive their perpetrator right at the beginning of their healing journey. I think this is madness and is actually quite harmful to the survivor. You can only forgive when and if you are ready. The focus should not be on the victim doing the 'right thing' but instead should be on the perpetrator doing the 'right thing'!

Anyway here is a link to the article I was talking about , it backs a lot of what I have already said. So for those of you who need more proof to show others please read this and share.


https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/disturbed/201208/why-you-dont-always-have-forgive


Lots of love and light!
Margie Thomas

Letting go of family.

Just a quick note, some of you know that I had to cut my family off after having to deal with the effects of child abuse. It was one of the hardest things for me to do.

Below is a link to an article that may help explain this.  If you are in the same situation it may help you to make your decision.

http://www.educate4change.com/blog1/-is-it-time-to-divorce-your-family


Breaking away from everything that would not help me was the best thing I could have done. After more than 2 years now I am starting to feel whole and much more at peace. I threw out all my old beliefs and am now on a journey of finding new ones.  This time I make the choice to match with what is inside me not what someone else told me to believe.

I went from wanting to commit suicide to wanting to live!

Love and light on your journey,
Margie Thomas

Complimentary copy of "Bonshea Making Light of the Dark"

Hi all,
Just wanted to share a link :

http://www.coralanikatheill.com/#!read-bonshea-making-light-of-the-dark-/c22am

Coral Anika Theill has written a book called  "BONSHEÁ Making Light of the Dark"

She is now offering a complimentary copy on her website.

I have purchased the book but have not finished reading it as yet. I follow her on Facebook and find her posts very encouraging and educational.

She has been through much abuse herself including spiritual and domestic abuse. She has shown an amazing strength and survival that inspires all.

Please check out her link.

Love and Light 

Margie Thomas

 Making Light of the Dark

What happened to compassion?

Well hi all,
I have just had a milestone birthday by turning 50!  
It certainly makes you think about life as it seems to go past so quickly!

On my journey as a survivor of child sexual abuse I have thought a lot about how my life has turned out.  I am grateful for many things but still angry about other things. I look at the world in a different way now too.

I think that being positive is a wonderful thing but being forced to be positive is a terrible thing. In this world of ours people do not tolerate pain in themselves or others. I was raised to think in a fairy tale way, just pray and it will be ok and if it isn't it's either something you've done or the Devils fault. The fact is life is not always ok. There are ups and downs and sometimes extreme ones.  We have emotions for a reason, they are telling us when something is wrong or something is good. We need to acknowledge them. Having emotions is not the problem it is what you do with them that matters. The more you push them down the harder they will try to come up.

As a child you were still developing and if your needs were not met by your parents which in itself is a form of abuse ; then being abused in other ways on top of it your brain cannot develop normally. There are a huge store of emotions that have not been able to come out. As a child the complexity of emotions from abuse is way to big to understand so they are stored till the child is an adult and can then work through them. So you have the pain of years stored needing to come out, in tears, in yells, in grief, in anger and more. Like an over wound spring that you cannot hold tight anymore. That is why as survivors we need professional help and encouragement and not to be told to wind it up again. That is like telling someone who is vomiting to keep swallowing it, disgusting metaphor I know but not far from the truth of telling a survivor to get over it and stop being so negative!

Like someone who is blind develops amazing hearing to compensate ,so a survivor of Child abuse may not be developed in some parts of the brain but other parts become amazing at adapting. You learn to survive!

In China many years ago girls had their feet bound so they would always have petite feet and for other cruel reasons to, such as to keep a woman under control as they could not run very fast with feet like that.  Imagine if people then got angry with the women as adults and told them to get over it and just run. It is like blaming them for what happened to them which was totally out of their control. Even if the adults who bound the child's feet apologized it will not make the woman's feet go back to normal. I think the perpetrating adult should be made to take responsibility for their actions and pay for the medical bills and support workers that are needed.

This is what happens to adult survivors of child abuse. Some of the damage is permanent and ALL of it is NOT their fault ! Why is it that most people in our Australian culture seem to have forgotten compassion? I am sure if my feet were bound like the ancient Chinese women's these days I would probably get some help, surgically or physical assistance but as soon as it is not a visible problem the compassion disappears too.

When there is no real visual evidence to show people  a survivor's suffering there is also no compassion.  Or the survivor is told to get over it and then ignored. Most survivors are in survival mode and actually, like an animal, will not show you their pain if they can help it. If an animal was treated this way there would be a huge uproar about it (as there should be).

Instead of forcing someone to feel a certain way how about we start to be empathetic and think about what they are going through. If you were treated as unjustly as most survivors I am sure you would feel just as outraged as they do.

I have spent most of my life being told how I should think and feel. Now I am 50 I really am not willing to let this continue. I have every right to feel what I feel and think what I think, just as you do.  As an adult I must take responsibility for my actions but I am not responsible for other peoples actions. I am not responsible for my perpetrators actions.

In saying that I will continue to stand up for people who are not being listened to. Of course my passion is survivors of Child sexual abuse. But all injustice goes against my grain. I feel so angry when I see people trying to control others and not respecting them as is our human right. I think if we are to be a great and healthy society compassion and empathy are vital.

This subtle evil of apathy about others pain has led to some dreadful things. I think the way our government is treating Asylum seekers here in Australia is a good example of that.

If we are continually going to treat people like objects it will eventually come back to us. How can we grow as a society if money and fear are more important than compassion and justice?

We need to stop looking for the evidence of suffering and start to listen to the sufferer. Especially when the victim has done nothing to bring the suffering upon themselves. Let us start to treat injustice of people the same way we do for animals!  Like the people who hurt animals, the people who hurt other humans need to take responsibility for their actions and if that includes going to jail  then that is what they should do! Justice is a vital part of healing for both the victim and the perpetrator. The perpetrator should make amends by paying for the physical and mental health bills etc.

Below is a statement I fully agree with and many professionals and activists have said the same thing.

"Saying that you can't be healed unless you've forgiven your abuser is like saying that a cut can't be healed as long as visible scar tissue remains. And insisting that an abused person "forgive" their abuser before they are fully healed from that abuse is like insisting that a person skip rope before their broken leg is fully mended. It can only make things worse." - John Shore

Please think compassionately and lets become a better society that can heal one  person at a time.
Say NO to Apathy as that is the biggest evil of our times.

Much love and encouragement for your journey,
Margie Thomas